never play flip cup with pint glasses
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
