Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
