either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
