Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
