I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize