Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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