and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
