i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
