also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize