Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
