Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
