My nipple is on Facebook.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
