guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
