So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
