YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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