Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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