I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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