pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
