Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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