I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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