so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think im going to throw up on grandma
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
is it fun? or sober?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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