haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize