Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
