Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
