Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
