Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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