I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
