Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
