Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
