I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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