Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
