i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
