Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
