And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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