FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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