Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
