k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
