fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I will be naked everywhere
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
