are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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