Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
