just tell him i said nine months
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
