I just cut my nipple shaving
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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