please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
