No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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