you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
