I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
