okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize