I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
