Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
