my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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