I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
