I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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