He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
