May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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