You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
