woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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