pedialite and red bull = repair kit
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This can only be settled by a dance off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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