every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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