operation have a gay friend backfired
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
