Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
