His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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