I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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