I'm lost and stupid without you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
