So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize