Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
