she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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