apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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