I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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