Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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