Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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