Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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