I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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