In the future we'll all be gay
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
