I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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