NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize