Don't make out with my wife yet
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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