forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
